The INSIDER Summary:
- Unlike more than half of internet users who are in relationships, I don’t believe in sharing passwords with your partner.
- I think it’s overly controlling and gives a false sense of security.
- I think it can also lead to hurt feelings and miscommunication.
You know that nervous feeling you get when someone uses your phone? What could they click on? Will they accidentally see a private photo or text they weren’t supposed to?
What if you had that feeling all of the time?
The New York Times published a piece saying that teenagers are giving each other passwords to their social media and passcode to their phones as a sign of their devotion to each other. It’s a sort of modern-day giving of a class ring, if you will.
Those teens are not alone: 67% of internet users who are married or who are in relationships have shared passwords with their partners.
Let me be as kind as I can: I think I would rather be disemboweled than give my boyfriend my Twitter password. And I don’t want his either.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything to hide. I freely show my boyfriend my Twitter messages and use his computer to look things up. There is very little secrecy with us, but if my boyfriend asked for the passwords to my social media accounts, I would laugh in his face.
I don’t share passwords because love does not mean controlling or spying on another person.
I put very few limits on my relationship. My boyfriend, unlike some people I know, can freely dine with his friends of all genders. I trust him enough not to get a Tinder account on the side or be gross to women on Twitter. As long as he tips me off to his general plans, I have no problems.
I don’t ask for his password or read his texts for the same reasons why I don’t forbid him from hugging women he knows or texting with attractive friends: He is a grown man. As a grown man, he should know that part of us being people who are in a committed, monogamous relationship is that he cannot cheat.
You may have different comfort levels than I do and that’s okay. But it’s important that you don’t try to control your partner. I love and respect my boyfriend, and know that spying and putting unfair limits on him isn’t healthy.
As much as you may feel like you hold the power by holding a password, unfortunately you don’t. If people really want to cheat, they will find a way. The best way to prevent cheating is to talk about it with your partner. Set your boundaries — and vice versa — by being honest about your personal definition of cheating.
I also won’t be giving my password out to anyone because I’m protecting myself.
And you should protect yourself, too. Imagine for a moment that things went south with your partner. Would you really want your ex to have access to thousands of photos, conversations, videos, and more that they could use against you? Me neither.
Not only that, but my friends often send me sensitive information that I keep private. If I give my password to my partner, I put them in danger, too.
I encourage everyone to be with someone they trust enough not to do something awful to them, but I also encourage everyone to be smart and keep yourself as safe as possible.
Trust aside, one of the biggest reasons why I don’t want my boyfriend to have my password is simply because ignorance is bliss.
I’m not the type of person who would want to know what other people are saying about me. With the wealth of technology we have, there are very few moments we are truly alone. Conversations that may have been casually thrown out during dinner are now preserved in pixels forever.
As someone who speaks in exaggerations, I would never want my boyfriend to be able to snoop through my texts or vice versa. Having greater access to someone’s thoughts and conversations can also mean greater access to their uglier side. Some things may be taken out of context, while other messages may have been sent in the heat of the moment. It’s way more hassle than it’s worth to find out which is which.
I love my life with my boyfriend and I don’t need to know his social media passwords to protect that.
But his Amazon Prime and Netflix passwords? Yeah, I’ll keep those!
FOLLOW US: INSIDER is on Facebook